By lilly_en_route
There’s a quiet magic in saying Astaghfirullah. A few simple syllables carry the weight of repentance, humility, and hope. 12 months ago, I began saying it consistently, whispering it when life felt heavy, when my heart grew restless, and even in moments of quiet joy. I didn’t realise then that this small act would spark a transformation so profound it would feel like a rebirth.
A Journey of Brokenness and Seeking
Before this journey began, the last 3 years felt like a collection of mismatched pieces. Therapy progress often seemed painfully slow. I wrestled with the same thoughts on loop, doubts and fears that clung to me like shadows. Life wasn't terrible at all, but it felt... incomplete. I carried a quiet ache for something more, something that could breathe clarity into the fog.
Then, one day, I stumbled upon the words of a scholar who said, “Istighfar is not only a request for forgiveness but a key to blessings.” I paused. Blessings? Could such a small practice hold such a promise? Skeptical but willing to try, I resolved to say Astaghfirullah as much as I could.
What followed was nothing short of extraordinary.
The Whisper That Cleared the Fog
At first, it was difficult. My thoughts raced when I tried to focus. Repeating Astaghfirullah felt robotic, almost meaningless. Yet, I persisted, weaving it into my days—while commuting, cooking, or lying awake at night. Slowly, like a gentle tide eroding jagged rocks, the words began to smooth the edges of my mind.
My thoughts became clearer. Problems I once magnified into insurmountable mountains seemed smaller, almost laughable. Therapy sessions that once felt like trudging through quicksand turned into kangaroo jumps—leaps I never thought possible. Where there had been confusion, there was now clarity.
I realised that the act of seeking forgiveness was more than just addressing sins. It was acknowledging my limitations, surrendering control, and opening my heart to divine grace.
Love in Unexpected Places
The most profound change wasn’t in my therapy progress or even my mental clarity—it was in my rediscovered capacity to love. I finally found my mojo again!
Before this journey, even though I was always a rather positive person and spreading joy and love around me, my true love inside me in the last 3 years was very often guarded, reserved for people who had “earned” it. I often found it hard to forgive, to let go of grudges, or to offer myself grace. But Istighfar softened me. It reminded me of my own humanity and, by extension, the humanity of others.
I began noticing love in places I had long forgotten to look. This love that I lost a couple of years ago. It wasn’t the romantic kind of love—it was bigger, deeper, and even more so unconditional. The love that was placed into me by my mother, the kind of love I pretty much rejected and quite frankly replaced with a love for my career.
But with tiny gestures noticeable being so strong once again, I noticed a lot. I remembered Allah, and I remembered what was truly important.
- It was the love in a colleague's unexpected kindness.
- The love in a stranger’s smile on a hard day.
- The love I felt for myself when I stopped criticising and started appreciating.
- The love I noticed in creation itself—the sky’s endless expanse, the rustling trees, the quiet stillness of dawn.
Everywhere I turned, there was love again, as if my heart had finally been back to be tuned to its frequency.
Istighfar and Healing
Saying Astaghfirullah isn’t just about repentance; it’s about renewal. Each utterance feels like washing away a layer of grime, leaving behind something purer, truer.
I found myself confronting painful memories with courage I didn’t know I had. I was no longer afraid of my feelings because I understood they didn’t define me. Every time a painful thought surfaced, I would silently say Astaghfirullah, asking Allah not only for forgiveness but for strength and clarity.
And somehow, He always delivered.
Therapy began to feel like building a new home instead of patching up an old one. I learned to trust the process, to let go of the need for immediate results. And for the first time in a long while, I wasn’t just surviving—I was thriving.
A New Lens on Life
When I reflect on these past 12 months, I’m struck by how Istighfar hasn’t just changed my inner world but also my outward experiences. Relationships that once felt strained became lighter. People I had struggled to understand seemed easier to get.
I also realised that my struggles, while difficult, were gifts in disguise. Each challenge was an opportunity to grow closer to Allah, to deepen my reliance on Him. The more I sought His forgiveness, the more I felt His mercy enveloping me. All it takes is to embrace the challenges, and go through them.
Life didn’t suddenly become perfect—I still face challenges, doubts, and fears. But they no longer control me. Instead, they remind me to turn back to Allah, to anchor myself in His infinite mercy.
Lessons from the Heart
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this journey, it’s this: healing begins with humility. When we acknowledge our flaws and seek forgiveness, we open the door to transformation.
Istighfar taught me to let go of perfectionism, to embrace my humanity with all its messiness. It taught me that love isn’t something we earn—it’s something we recognise. And most importantly, it reminded me that Allah’s mercy is boundless, always waiting for us to reach out and grasp it.
A Call to Begin
To anyone reading this who feels stuck, lost, or broken, I offer you this simple practice: Start saying Astaghfirullah. Say it when you wake up. Say it when you feel overwhelmed. Say it when you’re grateful or when you don’t know what else to say. Regardless what religion you are, I encourage you to implement it into your life. You will see miracles happening.
It doesn’t matter if your heart isn’t in it at first. It doesn’t matter if you don’t see immediate results. Just keep saying it, and let the words work their quiet magic.
12 months ago, I could never have imagined the clarity, healing, and love that would flow into my life through this small act. But now, I can’t imagine a day without it.
A Final Whisper
As I write this, my heart feels full, brimming with gratitude for the journey I’ve been on. To anyone who feels inspired to begin their own journey of Istighfar, I pray that you find the same healing, clarity, and love that I’ve found.
And if you’re wondering whether such a simple act can truly change your life, I leave you with this thought: Why not try and see? After all, the mercy of Allah is infinite, and His love for us is beyond what we can comprehend.
So whisper it now, wherever you are. Astaghfirullah. Let it be the first step on a path you never thought possible.
